Ironically, I have found that one of my greatest steps toward more personal freedom is accepting responsibility for myself, my actions and my reactions. You may be able to influence other people, but you generally can’t control them and giving your freedom up to something you can’t control is not a good trade.
We are naturally wired as selfish and sometimes prideful beings. As a result, we often try to blame our suffering on someone else. Our society makes this easy by giving us lots of targets. Our employer, the government, our spouse, our parents, our kids, the economy, our church, or even God himself.
The other day I was chatting with the woman bagging my groceries. She said she needed to get more hours in because her husband couldn’t find a job. Not only that, he blamed her for not being able to find work. How could that be her fault? Because she is the one who called the cops when he abused her.
During the latest presidential election you could see the blame game played out everywhere. I am particularly annoyed by people who complain about the national debt when there is a 47% chance that they carry a month to month credit card debt themselves. Our government, our elected officials and our popular culture are just a reflection of ourselves.
On a more personal level, do you have a relationship where you’re always trying to get the other person to change? How does that make you feel? Annoyed, frustrated, stressed, impatient? By allowing the other person to cause these feelings in you, you’re giving control of your freedom to them. You’ll have better success changing yourself than changing them.
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey talks about the space between stimulus and response. This single idea has made a huge and lasting impact on my life since I first read it many years ago.
Most animals act on instinct. Their reactions are triggered by outside stimulus. Some dogs just can’t help but bark when they see a squirrel. But humans are unique. We have the gift of self awareness and the ability to choose how we will react to something – a space between stimulus and response. Instinct is not our master.
Here are two practical things you can focus on in the next week to start accepting more responsibility and taking back your freedom:
- Find something in our world that bothers you, that causes you to be annoyed, frustrated or stressed and think about how it may be just a reflection of your own personal life, or the daily choices you make. Redirect your focus to changing yourself rather than changing the world.
- Be mindful of the space between stimulus and response. Pause to be aware of your real feelings and intent before you reply to someone. Think of each event and your reaction to that event as two separate things. Start to establish your reaction as independent from the stimulus.
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