Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be free to pursue happiness. But if someone tells you that some thing will make you happy and you pursue that thing, even if it is a lie, are you really free? Lies are anti-freedom. You can chase the lies your whole life. You can pursue the mirage on the horizon, think that if only you can just hang on a little while longer, the promise will be fulfilled.
In the past twenty years or so, there has been a lot of research done on happiness. Some of the results confirm what most of us already know in our hearts, but other results are surprising. I want to focus on one area in this post, but I’m sure you’ll hear more on the topic from me because I find it fascinating. If you’re interested and want to cut me out of the middle and go direct to the source, you can look up Sonja Lyubomirsky.
Her research suggests that sources of happiness can be put into three very broad categories:
- Life circumstances – wealth, possessions, marriage, physical appearance, etc.
- Genetics – disposition, personality traits, tendencies, etc.
- Behavior – choices we make, responses to situations, etc
The striking, no, shocking, thing to me is that our life circumstances contribute only about 10% to our overall happiness, yet we spend 90% of our energy trying to be more happy by “improving” our circumstances. We strive for more money, more education, better jobs, bigger houses and new gadgets. We dream of winning the lottery. We stress about our physical appearance.
The research shows that these things may give us a short term boost in happiness, but the effect does not endure.
- Princeton University research shows that higher income results in greater happiness, but only until income reaches $60-$75K. Increases in income above $75K did not show any correlation with increased happiness.
- Studies have also shown there is no relationship between physical appearance and level of happiness.
- Surveys of couples show that the happiness bump from getting married lasts about two years. After that, people generally return to the same level of happiness they were at before marriage.
So why do we still pursue so hard after all these things? Why are we still so easily taken by the marketing and cultural messages that tell us what we need to be happy? A long time before the data was available to prove it, a really smart guy wrote that it was all just chasing the wind.
For me, this is an issue of freedom. To know in my heart, through intuition and experience, that happiness does not come from things or my life circumstances, then to have it validated through scientific research sets me free from a lie.
So it is liberating to know what does not give us significantly more enduring happiness, but then where does our happiness come from? What should we be chasing?
Lyubomirsky’s research shows that about 50% of our happiness is determined by genetics. That’s another shocking result for me. On the surface, it implies there is nothing we can do to change that 50%, but I don’t think that is the case.
Our genes may drive our disposition. They contribute to our personality traits. They influence our tendencies. A great example is how much people vary significantly in their level of neuroticism. This is the measurable personality trait that inclines a person toward experiencing negative feelings.
So if you’re wired for high neuroticism, does that mean you are bound to be unhappy and there’s not much you can do about it? No way!
The really good news in all of this is that our behavior contributes about 40% to our level of happiness. This tells me that you can have even more leverage in your behavior if you understand and lean into (rather than deny and fight) your genetic tendencies.
I could not say it better than Lyubomirsky does on her web site:
… sustainable increases in happiness are possible through the practice of intentional cognitive, motivational, and behavioral activities that are feasible to deploy but require daily and concerted effort and commitment.
The first step in maximizing your freedom is to let go of the things that are dragging you down. Do not be conformed to the things of this world that have you enslaved. Then begin to pursue the things that offer you true freedom, joy, enduring happiness and fullness of life.
Here are two action items for you to make it real in your life:
- Recall five goals you have achieved or things you have acquired in the past. Think first about the feeling of desire and anticipation you had before, then think of your life situation and feelings as they relate to the object several months after. Meditate on this to drive the understanding of the unfulfilled promise deep into your memory so you can call upon it later.
- Identify one thing (not all things, just one) that you are pursuing right now with the expectation of greater happiness. Be honest with yourself about what the result will be. Envision yourself six months after getting the thing you desire. Recognize that you may be handing over your hopes, dreams, energy and thought life to an empty promise.
No comments yet.