Own Your Agenda

The first and most important step in taking back control of your freedom is to own your agenda.  To take back responsibility for the way you spend your time, the things you think about, the things you stress about, the things you spend your money on and the dreams you dream.

There are so many things grabbing at our freedom, competing for our attention.  At my corporate job, there are days where I just show up with no particular plans for what I’ll get done that day.  I boot up and begin reading my email, waiting for the first distraction, knowing the day will take care of itself.  The same thing happens at home.  I walk in the door and the kids are there telling me about their day, needing help with homework, asking for dinner, my wife tells me about something that broke in the house, or that our computer has a virus, the toilet is clogged, someone needs a ride to practice.  It is easy to be reactive and just let the wind blow you around.

These things really aren’t so bad.  I chose to take the job I have and get paid to deal with the emails, fight the fires and occasionally be proactive about something.  I chose to get married, to buy a house, to have six children.  I may not have fully counted the cost (more on that another time), but it was a decision I made.  I’ve willingly exchanged my freedom for a pay check, the rewards of career success, the joys of raising children and comforts of owning a house.  There was some level of awareness then choice in these transactions.

Giving up some of my freedom was part of the deal, but its too easy to take this reactive perspective into the rest of your life.  To let your freedom be taken from you by channel or site surfing by slick marketing, peer pressure or social ‘expectations’.

The stuff I own, or worse that I want to own, the tv I watch, the sites I visit, the petty relationships I maintain, the goals I have,  the expectations I take on.  Am I really aware of the cost to my freedom and is my choice intentional when I give it up to them?  Usually not.

I recently heard an ad on Pandora for a tv show that was on that night.  Apparently it was a blockbuster, the episode of the season and they said I couldn’t afford to miss it.  It didn’t have the intended effect on me.  Instead, it got me thinking about the people hearing it who started mentally re-arranging their evening to be in front of the tv at 7:00.  These ads are everywhere, so they must be working on someone.

We all have experiences where we sit down at the computer for ‘just a few minutes’ to look up a movie time, then find ourselves still sitting there two hours later after a completely unpredictable, although not totally random, string of clicks.  Maybe you’re having one of these moments right now.

Then there’s the friend who you can never quite seem to get rid of.  My wife has one of these.  She has spent hours one the phone with her, met her for coffee, composed long emails to her trying to help her with some problems.  On top of that, Betsy has even dominated the conversation between my wife and I, when she isn’t even there!  ‘can you believe what Betsy said?’  ‘I talked to betsy today…’  ‘why doesn’t she just…’  ‘Betsy still hasn’t responded to my email…’.  There have been times I have actually felt violated.  Angry that Betsy has stolen my wife’s precious time and has seized control of our conversation.

How about the commercial for that new phone [car, vacation, Keurig,…].  Until you saw the commercial, you didn’t even know you needed a phone upgrade.  Now you find yourself noticing what phone your friends have, thinking about when your contract is up and you can score a good deal, rationalizing to yourself how it will make your life so much better and you really need it.  Three days ago, you weren’t even aware of the gaping, phone-shaped, hole in your life and now it dominates your thoughts.

I could go on and talk about the pressure of cultural, family, social expectations that we unthinkingly put upon ourselves, but you’ve got the idea.

So who’s setting your agenda?  Your friends, the media, your feelings?

Here are two practical things you can focus on in the next week to start taking back ownership of your agenda:

1. Be aware of every time you think critically about someone else.  Anger, jealousy, fear, stress are all reactions to events.  Usually you can’t control the events, but you can control your reaction.
2. Read some marketing blogs like Social Triggers or Entrepreneur.  Better yet, take a marketing course if you have time.  If you have a better understanding of the tactics and tricks marketers use, you’ll be better equipped to see through them rather than fall for them.